Saturday, 19 July 2014

Thoughts on marriage

Diverting from the usual programme of craft-related tales, I've been thinking a lot recently about weddings and marriage.  Andrew and I will be getting hitched in about 9 weeks and it's an exciting time, with lots of things still to organise, buy and make.  I wanted to write down some of my thoughts here now, so I can look back in years to come and remember this special time in my life.


Amazing engagement photos from Zoe Campbell.  See the original post here.

Andrew and I have been together for nearly 9 years, so in a lot of ways getting married is just formalising something that we've been living already, just without the official label.  We already live together, own pots and pans, have a small, furry dependent and treat each other's parents as though they were our own.  Interestingly, we had yet to amalgamate our finances (a process we're finally getting round to just now) so have spent the last 5 years since moving in together doing an awkward, "you paid for the last load of shopping, so I'll pay off the dog's vet bill" dance.  It'll be nice to finally streamline our accounts and have one savings and one current, rather than the half dozen accounts we currently own between us.  Hilariously, I've just got a bank card for his (now our!) current account and having carefully memorised the pin number, the pin for my original bank card has now completely slipped my mind.  Apparently I can only hold one 4 digit number in my brain at any one time...


Although I'm really looking forward to the wedding (cake made of cheese, YUS!), I'm actually looking forward to being married far more.  The wedding will be fun and it'll be lovely to have all our friends and family together to celebrate with us, but at the moment it's just one endless list of To Do's - finalise the cake, finish the bouquets, book tables and bars for the various hen activities, buy extra candles...etc. etc.  Between finishing the internship and starting a new job, I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed and stressed out by it all.  I like our little routines, our quiet domestic life and although the wedding is going to be amazing, at times it feels almost like it's getting in the way of us being able to enjoy each other and live our lives.  How silly is that?


Our favourite place for dog walks - Longniddry Bents.  My favourite view of Edinburgh from across the water.

Which brings me onto my next point, MARRIAGE you guys.  It's a big deal.  People say marriage takes hard work and I can imagine it, we've had our ups and downs over the past 9 years and it hasn't always been easy but I guess when you're 'just dating' there's always that thought that if it got really tough, you could just walk away (though with so many marriages ending in divorce these days, I guess that could be true of tying the knot as well).  I've never consciously thought "I could leave right now" but I guess now that we'll be legally bound to each other (there's no religious aspect for us personally), there's the added pressure of a break-up being that bit more awful and heart breaking.  I'm not saying it's not awful and heart breaking for unmarried couples, just that it adds that extra layer of seriousness in a way.  Emma of A Beautiful Mess recently wrote an interesting post about her experiences of marriage one year on from the wedding and she made a good point about talking about and making goals for your marriage with your other half.  It's something Andrew and I haven't ever really done, we've always been waiting for the next step in life, 'when we graduate', 'when you get a job', 'when you finish vet school', 'when you're finished with the internship'.  There's always been something holding us back from living our lives in a way; we were both students, then I was a student, then I was unemployed, then Andrew was unemployed...the list goes on.  I feel like getting married is the start of our 'real lives', I'll be in full time employment in a job I (hopefully) love, Andrew is working on his business plan, we'll have some spare cash for the first time in 9 years, we can FINALLY live life properly, not constantly waiting for the next stage before we can relax.


The view from our window.  We're very lucky to live in this amazing, old tenement.

I've been thinking about goals for our first year of marriage and I thought I'd write them down here, so I can refer back to them for our first wedding anniversary.

1) Make time for date night - we're bad for this, between all the upheaval of the last few years, spending quality time not slumped in front of the TV has become difficult to organise.  Then this year for Christmas I bought Andrew and I Dominion cinema membership (if you're in Edinburgh and fancy a super-plush experience in a refurbish 1920's cinema, complete with leather sofas and foot stools, come to the Dominion) and it's really brought back date night.  We get a bit dressed up, buy ice cream on the way or wine at the cinema and go once a week to see a movie.  It was expensive but totally worth it for encouraging us to spend quality time together.  More of this please!

2) Treat ourselves to a nice holiday - the honeymoon doesn't count, this is about marriage, not the wedding.  We're pretty bad for not spending money on big things like this, with the thought that we're saving for a house.  We've been on one proper holiday abroad together in the past 9 years and it was a city break to Paris when we were students, so totally on a shoe string.  Honestly though, the time spent together relaxing on a beach and the memories you make are totally worth waiting an extra year or two for that elusive property.

3) Decorate the flat - because we've always had half an eye on buying a flat, we've never really made our flat our own.  Sure, I've hung pictures and made cushion covers, but I mean painting and sanding and changing the name on the door.  We've always been planning to move - after vet school, once I have a job, when we find a place with a garden for the hound...etc etc.  There's that 'waiting for the next thing to happen' theme again.  Well, we're not moving any time soon so the time has come to paint the bathroom and buy our own coffee table and put nails in the walls.  This old leaky flat will be ours for a few more years yet I feel.

4) Enjoy just being.  Stop constantly looking to the future and worrying about the Next Big Thing.  Just enjoy being young and healthy and together and take each day as it comes.  Life is too short to be stressing about buying a house and getting a job and generally letting the little things get you down. 

Weddings are a funny thing, you can get all wrapped up in the fluff and ceremony and forget that it's about spending your life with your favourite friend.  I'm very lucky to have found that person and I need to remind myself of that every day.  Andrew supports me, makes me laugh, loves me for who I am and encourages me to be a better person.  Here's to the next 60 plus years together, Team Dyce for the win!


  1. Your post brought a tear to my eye and so many memories from years ago before I got married, planning and saving. I have now been married 32 years and am in the process of helping my middle daughter (I have 3) arrange her wedding. Hope you have a real beautiful day.

    1. Thank you! I'm sure I'll be posting about it after the event, so keep your eye out! I'm thinking of doing a tutorial for my version of the brooch bouquet as well, since I've modified other tutorials (and I like my version better!). 32yrs is impressive, what an achievement!

  2. Wow, you guys are properly merging yor accounts together. We have our joint account for mortgage, food etc, but we still keep our own accounts as well! I definitely second the holidays thing, they're important! Have an ace wedding!

    1. Haha, we'll see how it works out, we've both got quite different attitudes to money so fingers crossed we can bumble our way through!

  3. Three years in and we still haven't sorted out our finances! We did set up a joint account but it sits empty... Really must do that. anyhoo, lovely post, and good goals for the first year. I still do 12 dates for Christmas to encourage us to go out more together on a proper "date". We only made it to March this year and already Tom is working like mad so I guess that will be it til October now! It's definitely worth making the effort though. I can't believe it's only 9 weeks to go, how exciting! xx

    1. It's getting so close! Enjoy the baby shower on Sunday and don't worry about missing the cinema, we'll have to catch up soon instead :-) It'll be interesting to see how the joint account works out, I'll have to keep you all posted!